i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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