what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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