3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
