So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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