Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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