She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
