3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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