kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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