my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
