Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
