Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
