idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
this hospital has no fireball
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
