It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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