Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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