can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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