I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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