I'm sorry my penis didn't work
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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