she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
