Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
