The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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