I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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