If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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