Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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