...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize