i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
