What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
