The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
