After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
