I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
