No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
