didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
are you so shy because you have an std?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
