There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
