It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
