I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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