I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
