walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
