Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
