I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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