I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Randomize
