i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
