whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
