Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
