it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
