Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
