Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There's even glitter on my cock...
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