I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
