Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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