$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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