Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
