so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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