We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
