If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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