how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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