I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
