weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
