her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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