YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
