Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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