Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
never play flip cup with pint glasses
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
