I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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