If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
