She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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