that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
