He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
