I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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