he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
