I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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